The Texture Of Things

A Beginning

September 12th, 2006

I want to call this a beginning for two reasons. First, the practical purpose is so that if anyone ever reads through the archive and gets to this, s/he will know it was the first post ever. I have wondered on several occasions whether or not I had really reached a blog’s beginning because neither the title nor the entry gave it away. Here, this one does. This is it, the beginning.

The second reason is because at the outset of just about anything new I do, big or small, I contemplate the beginning of the action. “I am starting this. Once I have started, I will never again be a person who never did this.” This is a handy example of how I overthink things. Sure – “Once I have a baby, I will never be a child-free person again.” But seriously also – “Okay, after I sign my tot up for storytime at the library, we will be ‘People Who Use the Library’. I will never again be someone who never used this local library.”

So I am contemplating. This is my first blog, and after this, I will be or will have been a blogger. It feels a little like foreign language verb practice: I blog, I blogged, I have blogged. I will blog.

A little bit of history to temper all this “I, I, I” might be in order. The first blog I ever read was Chez Miscarriage, now in limbo, written by getupgrrl. I found her with my mother’s help as we googled “MTHFR mutation” late in the summer of 2004. We were trying to find out what a diagnosis of homozygous MTHFR mutation meant for me and for my recent pregnancy and its terrifying-but-not-bad-end. Getupgrrl had written an entry on her own MTHFR mutation and it cracked me up. It was sorely needed levity.

I read her regularly from that day on, the funny days, the political days, and the heart-wrenching days. If you never read her, she was possibly the smartest, funniest, snarkiest person I ever had the pleasure to read. Her archives are gone (she pulled them down before she went on hiatus), but I hope she returns one day, in one form or another. I know I wish her and her family well.

From Chez Miscarriage, I found a bunch of other blogs, infertility blogs mostly, which led me to yet more blogs, countless varieties. I don’t know specifically why all of these people write or chose this medium to write, but the medium has grown to make sense to me and to my writing needs. It is public yet can be anonymous. It lends the pressure of a deadline without catastrophic consequences for a lapse of posting. I can do it from home, from my keyboard, and I am more likely to write here than in a journal because, frankly, I’d rather type than handwrite. And it’s better for me than a fully private journal because what I write has got to go somewhere. I don’t want to keep it. If I wanted to keep it for myself, then I wouldn’t write it at all. So, dear computer, here it is. Take it. Keep it for me, with me.

So I will call this a beginning, and I will let the rest alone for now.

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