The Texture Of Things

Ice, Part Three (or The Chainsaw Man Cometh)

January 24th, 2007

When I left off my story of the tree that ice brought down in my backyard, the Chainsaw Man had arrived to cut up my tree.

First of all, I tend to be a person who thinks through things, gathers all the information, overthinks it a bit more, and then acts. Maybe. It felt strange yet exciting to be caught up in this action of “tree falls down and we cut it up today.” I don’t move that fast in reaction to any spontaneous happening – not even cleaning up a hairball. Seriously. I begin by pouting, then telling HG his cat threw up again, then yelling at my cat for eating it (gaaah!), then acting indignant while I clean it up. Sometimes I do get to it more quickly, like when I skip the step of telling HG about the puke.

But the tree – everything happened rapidly, and it felt oddly responsible, like this is what I’m supposed to do for some reason I can’t pinpoint now. Honestly, I don’t think it would have hurt anything to have left the tree there a day or two, but Chainsaw Man was insistent that he come over that day to begin clean up. And who am I to turn down the free removal of a broken tree? Let us not look gift chainsaws in the teeth. (I had a fortune cookie that said that once.)

So he brought a couple of youngsters to help him and he got started, making my neighbors happy, I’m sure.

If you recall, he managed to not damage the deer.* He did this by cutting off much of the major branch, then hoisting the thing over and behind the deer so that it would be out of the way.

As for me, well, I didn’t know what I could do to help, and frankly, Chainsaw Man didn’t want my help. I’m not sure if this was a Knight in Shiny Armor moment for him or if he recognized that I’d be less dangerous to him and less in danger myself if I stayed inside. Maybe both.

So instead of helping, I did the second most ridiculous thing I could think of: I put on my fleecy hat and and a hoodie and popped outside to take pictures of him cutting down the tree for my blog.

And since it was wicked, wicked, wicked, wicked cold outside, I came inside and did the single most ridiculous thing I could think of: I made hot chocolate and stood in my kitchen drinking it with my hat still on. Because, you know, I was cold. In my house. With my hat on and my feet on the heat register.

Thanks, Mother Nature, for the blog fodder!

The payoff for Chainsaw Man and his youngsters is a pile of lumber that they’ll use to heat their home, so in the end, it works out for everyone.

*It’s not that I actually hate the deer. I just resent it. My home’s previous owners were supposed to take it with them, and two years later they have yet to do it. They promise this summer they’ll get it, though. Let’s wait and see.


  1. KLee says

    With my luck, the tree *would’ve* hit the deer, and then the former owners would have sued me for letting the tree hit the thing!

    I’m glad that you got your tree taken care of for the swap of the wood for the use of the chainsaw. We had three trees taken out of our front yard a few years back, and it was so great that the city took care of it, and we didn’t have to. Yay!

    April 25th, 2007 | #

  2. amy says

    Oh, I should have written “former owners” with the quotation marks. The “former owners” of my house are my grandparents. The deer was my late grandpa’s (a gift from my uncles) and is supposed to go live with my aunt, uncle, cousins and grandma at their new house across town. They just don’t want it enough to organize a posse of youngsters to come move it. Meanwhile, I can’t, um, dispose of it for fear of upsetting my grandma or any family members.

    Ah, the joys of doing real estate business with family…

    April 25th, 2007 | #

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