The Texture Of Things

House Rules, Revised

March 9th, 2008

Normally, I’m not a rule-bound person. (Stop laughing. Okay, fine, I am a rule-bound person, but I accept that and try to hide it like any other normal person.) That said, there are some changes our current house rules I’d like to propose in light of my new ability to smell anything within a 5-mile radius.

No bad or strong smells allowed. This rule applies to everyone in this house, including me. It can be broken down into several smaller rules that might be easier to keep track of, so I will attempt to list them here.

No dirty dishes
No washing dishes
No use of dish soap for any purpose
No opening of trash can
No trash lying about
No foods or drinks going bad in refrigerator
No disposal of said items if disposal requires opening them before they leave the house

No dust
No dirt
No vacuuming
No dusting

No body odor
No sweaty feet
No farting
No pooping
No peeing
No burping
No bad breath
No bathing
No brushing teeth with toothpaste
No perfume-y soaps, shampoos, conditioners
No aftershave, moisturizer, deodorant
No air fresheners

No cooking
No eating
No drinking (except water – drink that)
No feeding the cats
No cat yawns (bad bad, bad bad bad)
No cat-use of litter box
No going outside litter box (Stripey Cat, I am talking to you)
No cleaning of litter box


I think that covers it, but I reserve the right to add to this list as I gag in response to smells not listed.

1 Comment »

  1. H.G. says

    No humans
    No cats

    March 11th, 2008 | #

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