The Texture Of Things

Welcome to Pregnant Diabeetus 101.

August 19th, 2008

*category one language alert*

First, you should know that, of course, it is not your fault that you’ve been diagnosed with what is known by medical professionals as Gestational Diabetes (to be known here as Pregnant Diabeetus or, more simply, teh Diabeetus). Except for that part where it was your choice to stuff your maw with Mountain Dew and Twinkies for breakfast and then with fries and smarties for lunch for the last three years of high school. ‘Cuz, you might realize now, eating that way kind of stressed your pancreas and shit. And now you’re obese on top of that, and a fabulous candidate for teh Type 2 Diabeetus and for ordering your testing supplies with Wilford Brimley’s favorite company.

SFW, NSF People Who Pronounce It “Diabetes”

The first thing you should know is that the diet you’ll go on sucks. It sucks like any diet sucks, in that you have to rescind control over choosing what you get to eat and then you have to do that stupid self-mind-fuck where you tell yourself that you really ARE in control of what you’re eating and you’re actually choosing to eat what’s on the diet, ergo you are in fact in control. Guess what? You’re not, so quit trying to kid yourself. Srsly. On the other hand, it could be worse. It could require you to eat artichokes, tuna, and calorie-free italian dressing, like that cursed Curves diet does.

not on either diet

SFW, NSF People On The Diabeetus Diet

The second thing you should know is that yes, you do have to do the god-forsaken diet and you do have to exercise every fricking day because if you don’t, your OB will threaten you with having to go on insulin. S/he will hang it over your head unless your numbers are super-star glowy and shiny. So just suck it up and do the diet already. (And yes, if you’re wondering, it means not ever being able to indulge your pregnancy cravings – unless your craving is for a fresh salad or more water.)

mmmm, water

Beyond that, enjoy your pregnancy! It’s a miraculous time and it’s over far, far too quickly!

(Did I mention that you’re glowing? You’re glowing. What? That’s just sweat and overheating from the mile you just walked? Oh. You can hardly tell. Really.)

1 Comment »

  1. Linda says

    Wilford Brimley is awesome!!!

    March 10th, 2010 | #

Leave a comment

:mrgreen: :neutral: :twisted: :shock: :smile: :???: :cool: :evil: :grin: :oops: :razz: :roll: :wink: :cry: :eek: :lol: :mad: :sad:

RSS feed for these comments. | TrackBack URI

Anthosia2 Sponsored by Web Hosting